Handy tips for life?

DIET TIP:

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

FINANCE TIP: Save on electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

FINANCE TIP: Save on gasoline by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

HOUSEHOLD TIP: Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

HOUSEHOLD TIP: Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: At work, put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Buy a television set exactly like your neighbors. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.

INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: During rush hour, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road.

INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.

INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!" "I won!" "3rd time this week!"

PARKING TICKETS: Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

PERSONAL HYGEINE: No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

SAFETY TIP: Never attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermarket door.

TRAVELING TIP: Avoid the need to pack bulky shampoo bottles, which can leak in your suitcase, by arranging for the whole family to have 'skinhead' haircuts a day or two before departure.

TRAVELING TIP: When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

Handy tips for life?

l might be accused of being biased but theres some crackers there, dig the inexpensive entertainment

starred

Handy tips for life?

ha ha ha thanks i will use them

Handy tips for life?

hahaha

love the entertainment ones, have to try 'em out

have a star !!

Handy tips for life?

mooo

Handy tips for life?

lmao

Handy tips for life?

your on good form today mumson45

starred

Handy tips for life?

Hahahahhahaaaa, another good one honey x

Handy tips for life?

Lmao these were awesome! Especially the entertainment ones. Keep em coming hun. Thx for the laugh.....star!

Handy tips for life?

Great tips. Here r some of mine::

1) Always carry your handbag on the side of pavement, locally or away on holiday.

2)Always carry two small LCD torch lights for emergency in easily accessible pocket/compartment of your hand-carried bag, waist-pouch, luggage while on tour

3) As far as possible drive on 2- 4 lane highways at not more than 115kph. Any speed higher than this spells big trouble in head-on collision; moreover safety belts and chest may rupture

4)When attacked by wild animals or wild males, attack the nose or the eyes for easier victory

Be safer and happier!

Handy tips for life?

Love the personal hygiene tip, ewwwwwww rancid, doesn't bear thinking about hahahahahahahaaa

Great tips hun, will keep them in mind...pmsl

Handy tips for life?

Thoroughly entertaining

Handy tips for life?

He! he! very good, keep up the good work....

Handy tips for life?

LOL LOL LOL LOL

thanks for all the tips, will follow them to the T.

Handy tips for life?

the entertainment ones are so funny ...especially the coffee!!!

Handy tips for life?

nice one

Handy tips for life?

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FATHER'S PROPOSAL: "And when he proposed did you ask him to see me?"

REPLY OF DAUGHTER: "He said he had seen you but he still wanted to marry me."

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