Really needing some advice, what would you do?

I have a 2 yr. daughter, anyone who knows me would tell you that I am a good mother....except my in-laws. My daughter loves her grandparents to death, and my father in law will come and get her for a couple hours a day. He "tries" to be controling and overbearing, sometimes I just let it go to keep the peace. Today he really got under my skin and we had kind of a falling out. He came to pick up my daughter and seen that I had a hair dryer plugged in in my daughters room, he started saying that it didn't need to be plugged in and this and that, I blew him off and went about my way. When he brought her back he didn't say a word just walked in went in her room jerked it out of the wall, flew all over me!! I told him don't you think I know how to raise my own child, he said no, and we got into it, he left pretty quick. My problem is, I'm thinking of telling him that until he knows how to act in my house, he isn't picking my daughter up, does that sound mean, what would you do??

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

You're her mother. Tell him that unless you can treat each other with mutual respect, he isn't welcome in your home.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

oh no.. you need to get your husband to get his parents in line. that is ridiculous. your in-laws have no right to say you don't know how to raise your child.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

No way... I would kick him out until he changes his way. You are the mother and however you decide to raise her is yours and your husbands decision. How dare he. Kisk him out, tell him he can come back when he is willing to be the grandparent and not the dad. I dont know how you have done it for so long........

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

First and formost - you are raising YOUR daughter - you need to do what you think is right. Your in-laws should keep their mouths shut. If you were not able to feed your child or had no electricity/home, then that would be a different story.

If they don't respect you then that will rub off on your daughter. You absolutely have the right to set peramiters to limit contact with a negative infulence for your child, and his actions show that he is a negative influence.

Good Luck!

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

i would agree with you, he should not be telling you how to run your house, i don't belive you would put your child in any danger. plus he will really want to see his grand daughter, so maybe he will GROW UP a little and treat you different

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

I would let him now you value his opinions, but at the end of the day this is your life and your children. he has no say in what does and doesnt happen in your house. I agree that he may need to consider your feelings before coming into your home

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

You are not out of line, he is... this is your daughter. If they see something that is truly endangering her life and wellbeing then they need to shut up. Plain and simple. They raised their childred, this is yours... He was VERY out of line coming in your home acting and saying anything of that sort. I dealt with that with my ex in laws, until I stood up for myself- now I never hear a word. Good luck !

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

um, I'm little confused as to why any of this happened? It was a blow dryer??? I don't understand? Aside from that, I would assume that you and her father are no longer together??? But if you are tell your husband to fix it or you will. That's your child and if her grandfather can't be a grandfather then bye bye!

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Where is your husband in all this? It's HIS responsibility to convey that you are a couple--a UNITED FRONT. You are raising your child with love and you would like them to be a part of your child's life but not at the expense that they are causing you to be uncomfortable in your own home. Now if that had been plugged in around a tub of water, then that may be a concern but at the point that you were right there with the child he has no room to jump all over you about it. I would talk with your husband and let him tell his parents 'what time it is...' so to speak =)

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Ok, my mom and my grandfather can't stand each other so here's my perspective.

If you tell him he can't spend time with your daughter until her knows how to act in your house you're kind of punishing your daughter. Especially if your father-in-law is a stubborn man like my grandfather who always thinks it's everybody elses fault and he's never wrong. The best thing you can do is sit him down without your daughter present and tell him that you appreciate the time he spends with your daughter, and that you know she loves seeing them, but that he needs to respect you in your own house. Tell him that when your daughter is with him he can do what he wants, but when he's in your house it's your rules, meaning that if you want to plug the hairdryer in, you can. See how he responds to that.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

That would upset me alright. I would tell them until they can respect you, they are not welcome in your home.

If they really want to see her, and you still want them to see her, is there a mutual place you could meet up. If it continues after that, I would say until they learn to respect you, stay away from them.

All they are doing is teaching your daughter to not respect you

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Well, that is tempting, but you might want to sleep on it before you do something rash that is bound to have repercussions for YEARS to come. Believe me, if you don't get along with the in-laws it will eventually cause major problems for your marriage. Ask your husband to talk to his parents about this. You really need him on your side and he needs to let his parents know that they MUST respect you. Try to work this out. You don't want to deprive your daughter of something special that she enjoys (and yourself of those couple hours to get something done).

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

this is an easy one, stop letting them see your daugter until they respect the fact your are the parent, they're not.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

No, he had no reason to do any of that in your house. I'd tell him that unless he can control himself he isn't welcome in your house. You can tell him that you don't want your daughter subjected to that kind of scene ever again and if he can't promise to never have it happen again then he's not welcome around your child. If he'd like to explain his actions then be willing to listen. He may know of someone who had a fire caused by a hair dryer, I've heard of it myself. But that doesn't give him the right to act like a total ***. Be ready to forgive what he did, but let him know that is NOT acceptable behaviour in your house.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Well he definately is in the wrong - talk to your husband and tell him to talk to your father-in-law. There is no need for him to yell at you like this.

I suppose he thinks it's his business since this is his son's child so he has a stake in this. His fear was that if the dryer was left on by accident it could start a fire. Now I am no expert, and I suppose this could happen, but just unplug everything when he comes over so he won't mention anything again. Or better yet, keep your daughter's room door shut, this way he can't look in.

Good Luck.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

You said that you typically just let things go to keep peace, but maybe what you need to do is confront the problem now before this gets even more out of hand. Im not sure if witholding your daughter is the best solution. Perhaps you need to ask him to join you for lunch one afternoon, (at a restaraunt so that neither of you can begin yelling at the other) and talk with him about how he is making you feel. You are both adults and you should act accordingly...you NEED to act accordingly if you want to set an example for your daughter.

Good luck, don't let issues between you and your father in law dictate the relationship that your daughter has with her grandparents.

P.S. Don't drag your husband into this. While it may be his father, the problem is between you and your father-in-law. No need to cause more conflict.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Truthfully, if you could have given a slightly better example, I would be leaning more towards your side. Why do you have a blow dryer plugged into a socket in your 2 year olds room? When he pointed it out, he may have went about it in the wrong way, but I can understand him pointing it out to you.

He may very well be overbearing. Try to understand it is out of love for his granddaughter. Let him know you appreciate the time they get to spend together, but that he does not have a right to come into your home and be rude to you about your own child. Nobody is perfect. I am positive that you meant no harm in the blow dryer being plugged in. It just is not a very good idea. If he is consistantly cutting you down though...you need to have a talk with him. Good Luck.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

First tell him that you know he loves her and he's trying to help/protect her but its your household and she is your daughter. You don't go into his house and tell him how to run it and you don't criticize his parenting, and he should respect you enough to do the same. As long as your child is not in danger, you and she need to make mistakes and learn from them. If he isn't willing to cooperate with you then I would suggest you start bringing her over to his house or offer to meet some place for a play date.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

I think, as frustrating as I'm sure this is, that that is not the way to go about fixing things. From what it sounds like, your daughter probably expects that time with her granddad- And I think it would be a bit harsh to keep a two year old away from her grandparents because of an argument you adults are having.

I think the most reasonable thing to do would be to sit down and have a talk with him, explaining that while he is in your house, you do not expect him to tell you how to mother your child, and that you have your family under control. That you appreciate him being part of his granddaughters life, but he cannot overrule what you do in your home.

That said, you may be overreacting slightly- He was probably just concerned for your two year olds safety, which is perfectly reasonable. You can let him know you understand why he did that, but you do not appreciate the way he handled the situation.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

I don't' blame you one bit. You have to show your daughter that you are in charge of her. If they keep parenting over you then that just makes you look silly to her and she will not want to listen to you. You should tell them that until things change that and they understand your wishes on taking care of your kid then they can't see her. He doesn't' need to treat you like a small child. I think that your husband should be the one to stand up and say hey this isn't right. Not only did he disrespect you in front of your daughter he disrespects him because you are his wife.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

she is too young to remember being in the middle. she is your child and you should raise her the way you want...is your husband not stepping up to defend you??? I have had similar run in's with my own family...my mom and dad...It took a couple of times telling them off and they quit...there were times that I didn't allow them to see my daughter until they apologized and quit

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Have you talked to your husband about this?

Personally, I would not let my kid go with someone like that. Who cares if it is her Grandpa, all the more reason. He should respect his Granddaughters mom, unless she is in any real danger. You are her mother, not him. Trust your gut.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Just remember you are the mother of the child, not him. It is your home, not his. He is a guest and by his actions, he is not a good one. He asumes any home he is in is his, he has to know better. He does not live in your home, so either he respects you or he should not be welcome to pick up your child...REMEMBER YOUR DAUGHTER..NOT HIS! I slant on your side

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Well a 2 year old could..pull a hair dryer down or get tangled in the cord..or even manage to turn it on and leave it running.

He should have just said that to you.

There are a million things in a home that can be a danger..we can't always catch every one of them..but it still does not give anyone the right to "tell" you in a mean or overbearing way.

He said what he did tho out of caring for his Granddaughter...I'd just tell him you understand and that it is always hard to catch every little thing that can be a danger..and just tell him thank you for pointing it out.. but to try understand that you are her mom and you love her too and don't want to feel like you don't know what you are doing.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Nobodys perfect, it sounds like grandpa cares but needs to chill out.

Inlaws can be such a pain in the butt and it'll change with time as the kids get older.

My mother in-law really got to me when the kids were younger.

It'll get better with time.

Toddlers are a handful and I would recomend doing your best to keep anything of danger out of their reach.

Good luck

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

OK first she is not to little to remember what is going on. It may not be obvious but things like this can and probably will end up effecting your daughter. If your in-laws are anything like mine where then I feel for you. How does your spouse respond to this? If it makes you uncomfortable, then you need to put an end to it. Explain that while your daughter loves them very much they are not teaching her values that you want, like anger management and respect. Tell them to bugger off until they can understand that she is your child and it is your house and you will not tolerate them disrespecting you.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

I think you should try to keep respect for your in laws. tell your father n law that he was right that you shouldn't have had the blow dryer in her room even if you were using it, was there not another room that you could have used it in. your father n law is probably just worried that something might happen to your daughter, try to be adults and admit you were wrong and apologize.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

We were kinda in this same situation with my stepsons biomoms mother, well lets just say we told her that she needed to quit what she was doing or she was going to have supervised visits and she blew up, now se cant see him at all, you are the mom, the need to respect you! You are the parent not them, and why does he come and get her that often? be the boss!

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Just answered a question on two grandparents smoking in a house with two little grand kids in there.. filling their lungs all summer long with smoke. The aunt of these two kids was worried about the children's health and if to report it.

Your situation is the total opposite. These people actually care about your child's welfare. I guess he felt that it was not safe for the dryer to be plugged IN when the little girlie can have access to it. Years ago I left a ironing heater out and my little girl got burned with it when she was two years old.. Our little ones get into stuff before we can turn our backs... To this day i wish i had been more careful with things that can be dangerous with my little daughter

Is it the controlling attitude and the lack of regard that you do not like? You need to ask yourself this. If the grandparents were MONSTERS then your little girl would NOT love them as she does.. they are good to her and its a grandparent kinda thing to spoil the little grand kids...

I guess the bad chord that was hit was in the way he ranted in your home. Behaving as though you did not know how to care for your own child in your own house. This would unnerve any parent. But being tactful and wise in dealing with them is advised. Being straightforward regarding your expectation and roll as a parent as compared to theirs as a grandparent. The sole responsibility toward this little girl is yours...not theirs.

My daughters have only two grandparents.. One grandmother living abroad and my own mother. No grandfathers due to death. Its a blessing what you have my dear. I would not care if my father was controlling and overbearing just as long as he was alive to see my daughters. I was 2 yrs old when he died, never having him as a father..moreso my daughters having a grandfather.

Girlie.. these people in our lives are not in it forever. I think your father in law was upset because he saw the little grandaughter being burned with the heat of the hair dryer..or getting tangled in the long chord..

His WAY of delivering his concern sucked.. and you need to address it.. but i think that his heart was in the right place.

This is a funny magnet i read once from a grandparent..

" if i knew having grandkids was this great i'd have had them first"

All the best my dear

sandy

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

Whoa...you have in-laws you don't get along with and a husband who won't back you up. Two-part solution here...

First, absolutely you should limit your contact with him. Just say quite firmly that since the two of you obviously don't see eye-to-eye, that you think it would be better if he didn't come over until YOU give him further notice.

Second--drag your husband to counseling! His attitude is NOT going to help smooth things over; tell him that you think you both need some professional advice so that your child isn't deprived of her grandfather and your husband's not deprived of a wife.

Really needing some advice, what would you do?

You are the decider on that one. Of course, you could have just unplugged the hairdryer!!